For many children and their parents, returning to school is a
joyful occasion—reconnecting with school friends and families, the excitement
of purchasing school supplies and new clothes, the return to the comfort and
normalcy of the school routine, and, of course, the gift of a little breathing
space for Mom and Dad.
But for many other children, the new school year brings with it a large dose of
anxiety: Will I struggle like I did last year? Will I make any new friends?
Will I be bullied or isolated? Will the teacher like me?
And for many parents, the specter of another year dealing with
various school-related issues, perhaps foremost of which is homework, creates
its own anxiety, as suggested by the above quotes. To help reduce that anxiety
and replace it with a sense of joyful anticipation of what the school year can
bring, I offer the following seven parenting tips for a happy, successful
school year:
1. Project a positive attitude about school and confidence that
your children will experience success and happiness. Communicate to your
children through words and body language that you are excited about the new
school year and confident they will enjoy it. Children pick up on the messages
we send, so make those messages optimistic and hopeful.
2. Establish supportive home routines. The school year calls for renewed
attention to home routines, such as those surrounding bedtime, morning, and
meals. Children appreciate and thrive on the routines that we parents establish.
It gives them comfort and security and better prepares them for the routines
and expectations of the school day. One routine consistently correlated with
success in school is the family dinner, all family members around the table
together—make it a habit as often as possible.
3. Avoid the temptation to make schooling a competitive sport by
over-focusing on grades. Our culture is plagued by competitiveness in all areas
of life—sports, fashion, looks, talents, wealth, and more. Let’s protect our
children’s school experience from this hyper-competitiveness by focusing on
their own gifts and talents and avoiding comparisons with others.
4. Remember that homework is a contract between the teacher and
the student, not between the teacher and the parent. Somewhere along the way,
many parents have come to believe that children are incapable of doing their
own homework. This is not good for the child, who needs to learn how to deal
with his own responsibilities, or for the parent, whose anxiety level and patience
are often strained to the breaking point over homework issues. Homework is the
child’s responsibility, not the parents’. (And school personnel need to assist
in this area by ensuring that the amount of homework is reasonable and the
quality is such that the child is capable of doing it on her own.)
5. Establish family rules related to TV, computer, and video
game usage. There is a place for electronic learning (and playing), but every
minute in front of a monitor is a minute away from family communication. No one
forms a healthy relationship with a monitor; we only form relationships with
real people, and home is where those relationships and the life skills
surrounding them are born and developed.
6. Make optimum use of parent/child time during trips to and
from school. Make travel time between school and home a cell phone-free
experience. Think of the message we send our children when our attention is
given to others on the way to and from school. And think of the message we give
them when we put aside our cell phone and tune into what’s going on in their
lives.
7. Avoid the temptation to over-involve your children in
after-school activities. Life is getting busier every year for our children, as
well as for the parent, usually Mom, whose job it has become to spend late
afternoons and evenings as family chauffer. How many activities our children
should participate in is a personal choice, and a key word here is balance—for
example, one sport at a time might be a good rule of thumb. If we adults insist
on leading harried, distracted, overworked lives, let us at least spare our
children that. Children need far fewer activities after school and far more
family time with Mom and Dad.
And one more tip for good measure: Take care of yourself. I love
the metaphor of the oxygen mask, in the familiar words of the flight attendant:
“If you are traveling with a small child, put the oxygen mask on yourself
first, then on your child.” We are no help to anyone if we are not taking good
care of ourselves. Take care of yourself—physically, mentally, emotionally,
socially, relationally, and spiritually. Make it a priority—for your sake, as
well as for your children’s.
https://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/7-tips-happy-successful-school-year
I own and direct Stilwell’s Learning Center. Prospective clients bring their children to me for an initial evaluation. This initial session is free. Here are some of the concerns I hear from parents:
